Johnson.

So yesterday I was just going through my inbox as usual when an email from Lateral Action caught my eye. The post was called, “Remember Yourself” by Mark McGuiness who was guest posting on GapingVoid.com.

I’m not going to regurgitate the contents of that post here. I want to ramble about what went through my mind as I was reading it and the mini-epiphany I had.

So. In this post, Mark cited one GI Gurdjieff, who talked about the difference between Essence and Personality of Man. In my own words, this is what I took from the post:

Essence: is a man when he strips himself bare to the soul and is entirely true to himself (whatever that means).

Personality: is a man with the expectations and opinions of the World oppressed upon him. More often than not, this culminates to become the Ego.

And it’s the Ego that I want to talk about.

For anyone who is keyed into themselves, they will be aware that their Ego is something to rid themselves of if they want to advance in any area of their life. If they can do this, there won’t be any mistakes or discouragement, or failures… only Beauty.

(Click here to check out someone who does this in her artwork)

What I’m getting to is the clash between Entrepreneurship and Ego that I struggle with.

I’d like to see myself as an Entrepreneur, even though I’ve done nothing remotely remarkable (yet). I’m full of Ideas, virtually none of which have been crystallised (yet). When I make excuses to myself, I’ve realised that they predominantly revolve around my Ego.

For example, whenever I meet someone younger than me who has that success that I want, I experience Tall Poppy Syndrome when in reality, I can still be classified as young, at least compared to the people who discover their Entrepreneurial Edge later in life. I fear joining the Entrepreneur group at uni, in case I find someone who is “better than me”.

And that’s where the core of it lies: the “better than me” mentality. Why are they better than you? Because they earn more than you do? Because they have the attitude that you lack?

No. They’re better than you because you’re leting your Personality and Ego get in the way of your Cause. What happens if your Cause was based on P & E from the get go? Well, depending on when you realise it or whether you realise it or not altogether, you could be heading for a Crisis.

I’d like to think that my Causes are noble: being enough of a Man to support myself and those I love, ending or at least lessening the ravages of global poverty, etc.

It’s this latter Cause that I’m concerned about. Whenever I think about it, I always imagine myself receiving awards and recognition. Yet there are thousands of people who do it everyday as volunteers or on  a grander scale without any obligation.

I mean sure, if it ever does happen, millions will benefit, which is never a bad thing, but I think I’ve got to dissociate my Causes related to Ego from my Causes related to Essence and somehow shift the Noble ones over to the Essence side of things.

It ain’t gonna be easy, but I think I’ve gotta start living in the moment more and let my Essence speak for me, not my Ego.